The Reunion

ATTENTION ! Go HERE if

1. you understand German better than English
2. you often wonder what Seinfeld characters would sound like rattling off German shyt
3. German is like Greek to you , but you have a lotta tyme on ur hands with nothing fun to do
   
4. you want my friend Medini to pay you to read her blog
   

(( Jerry’s apartment ))

Jerry and George are playing chess at the table behind the couch.

George: (In an angry voice) For the umpteenth time! NO!

Jerry: Alright alright… I get it. I won’t bother asking you to come to the reunion again. But why aren’t you coming?

George: (through gritted teeth) It’s my parent’s anniversary. I’m taking them out for dinner. I wanna make up for all the ‘together time’ I missed last Christmas…

Jerry: The super bowl is on the very same day but I’M going.

George: You’re just going because you couldn’t get tickets .

Jerry: Hey that’s not true … Alice and I are looking forward to the reunion!

George : Alice?! …you mean the woman who’s planning the reunion? The one who came to us with those invites….the ones with ribbons and roses on them?

Jerry : Yeah she used to be a wedding planner…. She’s kinda nice…I think you should come too.

George : (getting worked up) I’ve told you already I’m not going!

Jerry: (Sarcastically) Yeah I know how much you look forward to spending “together time” with your parents. So watcha gonna get them?

George opens his mouth to say something when Elaine enters.

Elaine: Hey what’s going on?

Jerry: Oh nothing …. George here was telling me about the special gift he was gonna get his parents for their anniversary.He’s taking them out for dinner. You know it’s kinda funny how our high school reunion falls exactly on the same day as your parent’s anniversary George.

George looks at Jerry from behind his glasses, his eyebrows slightly raised. Jerry grins at him.

Elaine: ohhh…ohhhh I see.(Smiling wickedly at George)So watcha gonna get them?

George gets up and throws the chess board to the floor.

George: (angrily walking towards the door) Alright.That’s enough.George is getting upset !!!

George leaves the apartment. Jerry and Elaine look at each other and shrug.

Jerry:I knew this would happen. Elaine, this guy has spent half his time in school planning a successful comeback at the reunion 20 years later. But look at him now……..unemployed and without a girlfriend.

Elaine: Awww that’s bad. But why’s he taking his parents out?

Jerry : Beats me ! But George IS known to have behaved strangely before …so …

Elaine: Oww …So ….. do you have a date yet?

Jerry: You bet I do …

Elaine: Who?

Jerry: Alice …she’s planning the reunion … Oh It’s gonna be so great. I bet you there’ll be no man at the reunion with a woman as attractive as Alice by his side.

Elaine: So that’s basically why you’re going? To show Alice off?

Jerry: (Narrowing his eyes) Yeah. And I also want to settle some scores with Bob Mitchell.

Elaine: Isn’t he that guy who always made fun of you for wanting to be a comedian?

Jerry: That’s him alright. I’ll show him who’s having the last laugh now. And then there’s Duncan Meyers …

Elaine : Duncan Meyers …hmmmm… why does that name sound familiar? …….

(( George’s Parent’s house ))

George is sitting on the couch, his parents on either side.

Estelle: Georgie I really appreciate your offering to celebrate our anniversary with us but your father and I would like to be alone.

George: Alone? What do you want to be alone on your anniversary for?

Estelle:Look I’ve already made reservations at The Plaza six months ago.

Frank: (Butting in) I’ve told you I’m not going. You don’t celebrate the day a poor guy is sacrificed at the altar.

Estelle: Oh you’re going alright ! You’re going even if I have to drag you there…

Frank: (reaching out for Estelle’s neck)Youuuuuuu…….

George:(trying to keep them apart with both his hands)Mom ….dad….please….

Frank: Lemme at her …lemme at that hag ….

George: (getting up ,brandishing a vase from the centre table) Alright! Listen the two of you.We’re celebrating your anniversary together whether you like it or not!

Estelle: hmfph!

Frank: hmfph!

(( Next Day at Monk’s ))

Jerry,George and Elaine are sitting at a booth.

George:……. and then I picked up the phone and cancelled their reservations at The Plaza.

Elaine: You WHAT?!! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get reservations at The Plaza?!

George: And do YOU have any idea how much a meal for three costs there?! And does it matter where we eat as long as the three of us are …uh …together?

Elaine : George …it’s THEIR anniversary!

Jerry : (sarcastically) Great going George.

Kramer enters and sits next to Jerry.

Kramer: Hey Jerry guess what?I got three tickets to the superbowl .

Jerry: Get out!!!!You didn’t!!! How ?!!

Kramer:I won them at poker.

Elaine: Since when have YOU started playing poker?

Kramer: Since this morning. So how’re we getting to the stadium?

Jerry: Oh God I can’t believe this !Alice’ll kill me if I cancel out on the reunion ! I can’t believe I’m sayin this but … I … I can’t go to the superbowl!

Kramer looks at George … and before George can say anything …

Elaine : No Kramer …George can’t go either. It’s his parent’s anniversary and he’s taking them out for dinner …

George : But …

Kramer : Oh….Give them my wishes ,will ya !

Kramer looks at Elaine

Elaine : Yeah right!

Kramer: Guess I’ll take Newman then. I know…….. we can sell the third ticket and buy all the popcorn we want.(In a cheery voice) I’m going to the SuperBowl Jerry ….. I’m going to the SuperBowl.

Jerry and George stare at him , Kramer stumbles out of Monk’s.

As Jerry ,George and Elaine are about to leave, a beautiful woman comes up to George.

Woman: George Costanza?!!!

George: (Taken aback) Mindy? Mindy Turner ?

Woman: (smiling) Yeah it’s me George.

Jerry: Well hello Mindy.You remember me?Jerry Seinfeld?Boy it’s sure hard to recognize you without your glasses and braces and ……..

George: (Interrupting) Jerry Jerry uh ..he.he.…..Isn’t that just like you.Always trying to be funny.uh..he..he

Mindy: Well he’s a comedian after all.

Jerry: What have you been upto?

Mindy: Oh …I went to Fashion School in Paris after high school ….been living there since. I’ve come down especially for the reunion.How ‘bout you George … what do you do?

Elaine: Yeah tell her what exactly it is that you do George.

George: I’m an Architect .I work for ummmm….. Vandalay Developers.

Jerry and Elaine look at each other shocked.

Mindy: George I knew you’d shrug off the lie-about label you were burdened with in highschool.

Elaine : (Under her breath, to Jerry) He sure knows how to lie about everything.

Mindy: I must leave now. How would you like to go to the reunion with me?

George: (speechless) Sure.(She holds his gaze for a while and leaves)

(( That evening at Jerry’s Apartment ))

George is sitting on the couch holding his head in his hands.Jerry and Elaine are standing on either side.

Elaine: ARCHITECT? Vandalay Developers? What were you thinking?

George: I don’t know …I…

Jerry: Wait a minute.You like her don’t cha?

George nods , his head still in his hands.

Jerry: I see what this is all about ……..

George:Jerry ….she was the only girl who liked me in highschool.

Jerry: No George … she was the only girl naïve enough to believe your boastful tales about schoolyard adventures. Didn’t you tell her once that you beat up Mark Burton, the captain of the football team?

Elaine laughs hysterically until George shuts her up with a stare…

George: What does that matter now? She’s asked me out, Jerry. I want to go to the reunion. (Slamming his fist on his palm, through gritted teeth)I must find a way to get rid of my parents.

Jerry and Elaine look at him.

George: I mean …. I must make alternative arrangements for their anniversary celebrations.

(( Next day,on the side walk, in front of a hot dog stand ))

Kramer and George are buying hot dogs.

Kramer: Oh no no no I can’t go to the SuperBowl with your parents.I’m going with Newman.

George: Can’t you cancel out on him or something …. I beg you Kramer … I beg you …

Kramer holds out a hand signing for George to stop.

Kramer: Stop with the begging already…..I’ll see what I can do.

(( In the corridor, outside Kramer’s apartment. ))

Newman: Cancel out?! But …why? I don’t understand !

Kramer : I’m sorry Newman … I’m going with George’s parents

Newman : I see …

Kramer : Oh by the way …can I borrow your mail van? I need it to take Frank and Estelle to the superbowl…

Newman: Sure …sure. Why not?

Kramer : Thanks buddy ….Bring it to George’s apartment around say 6:30….and…

(( Jerry’s apartment ))

Elaine is sitting on the couch with a magazine. Jerry is getting ready when the intercom buzzes

Jerry: Who is it?

Voice on the intercom: It’s me.

Jerry: Come on up Alice.The King of Hearts is waiting for you.

Elaine:King Of Hearts ?……. Pfft…… Jerry you’re trying too hard to be funny around her.Does everything you say to her have to be funny?

Jerry: Of course. She’s dating me BECAUSE I’m a comedian.

Elaine: I’m telling you Jerry, if you keep this up you’ll soon find yourself in George’s shoes. Unemployed and without a girlfriend.

(( George’s Apartment ))

George and Kramer are standing in the living room.

George: You know what to do Kramer… When my parents come here , tell them I had to be away on urgent business and that I (stressing on I) have arranged for these SuperBowl tickets and asked you to escort them.

Kramer: Don’t forget you promised me free massages for a year for this.

George: (irritated) Yes…yes I know what I promised.

Kramer: It’s 6:15 …you should get going. Newman will be here with the mail van any minute.

George: You’re borrowing his mail van?

Kramer: Yeah …?

George shakes his head.

As George is about to open the living room door he hears voices in the corridor.

(( In the corridor outside George’s apartment ))

Estelle: We’re a bit early…. Maybe I can rid George’s wardrobe of all the junk he’s got in there before we leave. Newman… it was so kind of you to come pick us up in your mail van …..I wonder why Frank’s car wouldn’t start.

Newman: The pleasure’s all mine Mrs. Costanza

Frank: I’ll tell you why it wouldn’t start …… your tiara scared the crap out of it !

Estelle: What? It’s pretty.

Frank: Yeah! Pretty ugly!

(( Inside George’s Apartment ))

George: (angry) NEWMAN!!

Kramer : (with his ear to the door) What is he doing here with your parents so early?

George: Screwin my life … that’s what! I don’t think he appreciated your canceling out on him …

Kramer: Yep he sure was mad at me when I told him I was taking Mr. and Mrs. Costanza to the SuperBowl instead of him.

George : What am I gonna do now?!

Kramer: (his face lighting up) I’ve got an idea!

George climbs down the fire escape and rips his Tuxedo in the process. He stumbles onto the sidewalk and gets into a cab.

(( At the reunion ))

Mindy and George are talking to a couple of people who are staring at George’s ripped tuxedo.

George: The city’s full of no-gooders without jobs I tell ya …

A man: What are you talking about?

George : How’d you think I ripped my tux? I was waiting for a cab outside Bloomingdales and what do I see?

Mindy : What?

George:Two thugs…mugging an old lady!

Mindy: (gasping) And then …?

George : Got into a brawl … but I sure showed them ! hehe …they went running down the street like their pants were on fire!

Jerry and Alice are talking to a group of people.

Jerry: So Bob … long time eh? Heard you’re a successful broker?

Bob: Yeah that’s true.But my job’s boring as hell.You’ve got a fun job.So …. Tell us Jerry Seinfeld … how does it feel to be the funniest man in the room?

Alice looks at Jerry , smiling.

Voices in Jerry’s head: Think of something funny and witty to say……..comeon……hell think of SOMETHING to say….comeon before it’s too late …………

Jerry: ummm…. It feels nice.

Bob: It feels nice?! It feels NICE?! Come on Jerry. I could have come up with a better one than that.

Everyone laughs. Alice frowns at Jerry

George and Mindy are at the buffet table where she is introducing him to her friend Kathy

Mindy : This is George ….George Costanza.

Kathy : I know …

George : (absently ,dipping a cracker in sour cream) You know me?!

Kathy: Yeah …

George takes a bite of the cracker and dips it in the sour cream again.

Mindy: You still double dip?

George :What …. Uh …oh …yeah….

Mindy: ( smiling ) How cute … I used to watch you do it in the school cafeteria all the time !

Kathy rolls her eyes.

Mindy: Isn’t it wonderful to see that George has finally fulfilled his dream of becoming an Architect?

Kathy : Architect?I thought you were out of work?

Mindy looks at George.

George:(laughing nervously) uh…he ..he Why would I be out of work now? We’re doing good business down at Vandalay Developers…. Uh…he…he

Kathy : I saw you collecting your unemployment insurance at the unemployment bureau last week … I work there ….

George: Why would I … why would I need unemployment insurance ?

Mindy: You’re mistaken Kathy …

George: (butting in) I think I hear Jerry calling me. I’ll be right back with you lovely ladies in a moment.

Jerry and Alice are still standing with Bob Mitchell and some other people when Duncan Meyers joins them. (Duncan is Jerry’s highschool rival who he had once beaten in a race by accident , and who he has refused to race ever since.)

Duncan : So we meet again Jerry Seinfeld!

Jerry lifts his glass of champagne in response…

Duncan : You know I’ve got a funny feeling that you’ve been trying to avoid me all evening …

Jerry: Nooo! …Nooho!! Why would I ….?

Duncan: So are you ready to race me again?

Jerry: I’ve told you this once and I’ve told you this a zillion times ….I …

Bob: (butting in) …”choose not to run”? You might want to give it a second thought Jerry … or your legs will go as rusty as your wit!

Everyone laughs. Alice seems upset with Jerry. Jerry shrugs. Somebody announces that dinner is served.

Duncan: Who wants to race me to the buffet table?!

Everyone laughs again.

Jerry, George, Mindy and Alice are sitting together at a table. Alice who’s still upset with Jerry is eating quietly. George is digging into a plateful of spaghetti, spilling sauce down the front of his ripped shirt. Mindy is watching him lovingly.

Jerry: (whispering to George) He’s got some nerve ….Bob Mitchell ….putting me down like this. If he makes one more remark about me … I swear George I’m gonna I’m gonna …

George : (his mouth full of spaghetti) Whaa..?

Jerry : I’m gonna let his teeth have it and …

George : …and run like hell?

Jerry: You’re quite enjoying yourself aren’t you? You’ll have to run too if I spill your beans ….

Bob Mitchell rises to make a toast.

Bob: Ladies and gentlemen ! I propose a toast to all of us …I’m glad to see that we’re all happy and successful … Aah …but the most successful of us is the funniest and fastest man in this room …. Can I have a loud round of applause for Jerry Seinfeld ?!…

Roaring laughter all around.

Jerry: (getting up ) That’s it … I’m going out there ….

Alice : Nooo …Jerry …if anything goes wrong here …I’ll be fired !!!

Jerry: (Pushing up his sleeves) I don’t care ….

Alice: Security !!!

Security guards are dragging Jerry out of the room. He’s calling out to George for help who’s waving at him and smiling .

(( At the SuperBowl ))

Kramer is seated with a huge bucket of Pop corn .Estelle (with a bucket of popcorn, dressed in an evening gown) and Frank (in a suit) are seated next to him. As Frank reaches out to take some popcorn from Estelle’s bucket, she slaps his hand.Kramer looks at both of them and gives them his jittery thumbs up while stuffing his mouth with handfuls of popcorn. Estelle frowns.